my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
