I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
