Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
