some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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