when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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