is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
