that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
