I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
