The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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