I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
