I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
