We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
