I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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