do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
