If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
