i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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