just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Who died my cat blue again?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
