idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize