I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
