My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
