i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
