Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
