I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize