Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
