I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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