I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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