She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
