I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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