My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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