and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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