they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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