if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and she was petting her beer can
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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