Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize