Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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