party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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