you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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