That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
