Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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