So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
