Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
