i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
