you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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