the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
