You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
