Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.