i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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