i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!