My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?