So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(