one two three fourrrrnication!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
