Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
