I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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