I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
