No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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