Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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