Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
