I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
