Soap is not a condiment
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
