i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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