there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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