You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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