Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
