So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
