tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
