In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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