census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
