1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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