Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
