my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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